When I was getting ready to have my surgery, everyone kept telling me, "It will all be worth it. This is what's going to get you your baby!" I kept telling them, "This surgery isn't about my fertility; it's about my health. The infertility is really secondary at this point."
Well, it turns out I was right. The surgery didn't fix a damn thing. Apparently the Stage IV endometriosis has just done a pretty little tap dance all over my ovaries, and there's nothing left. The doc did an antral follicle count yesterday, and I have zero. To put that into perspective, you generally have to have at least ten to even qualify for an IVF cycle.
Doc immediately started talking donor eggs, but I don't think I want to go there. Honestly, I already have a child that's half J's and half someone else's. We may not get to spend as much time with my stepdaughter as we would like, but she's very much a part of my heart. I don't see spending upwards of $25,000 (or more) for a *chance* at a baby that's not biologically mine, just so I can have the privilege of being pregnant.
I think it might be time for us to talk about adoption. Or maybe we give up altogether. Buy J his new truck, redo the kitchen, take fabulous vacations. Hope for a miracle.
Looks like I'm actually that woman. That one who can't have kids.
4 months ago