Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Seatbelts and Sleepwalking

Warning: Please make sure you have your e-seatbelt fastened. I'm actually posting twice in one week!

Okay, now that we have that safety warning out of the way, let me tell you about my adventures in sleepwalking. I've been walking in my sleep almost as long as I've been walking while awake. When I was three my mom found me sitting in my chair at the kitchen table eating an apple in the dark at 3 a.m. After my house burned down at age 12, I had several instances where my dad caught me trying to escape from the condo where we stayed while our home was being rebuilt.

Sometimes I like to combine sleepwalking with talking in my sleep, which can be confusing for anyone who finds me. Eventually they realize that I probably wouldn't be talking about toy soldiers and angry parrots while conscious, and determine that I am, in fact, dead asleep while carrying on a conversation with my eyes open. Fun!

Yesterday morning I woke up and headed to the laundry room to grab a pair of jeans. I realized there was a light on in there, and assumed I had once again left the dryer door standing open with the light on. (I have no idea why I do this. Probably for the same reason I can load the clothes washer up, fill it with water, and then walk away without closing the lid.)

When I went through the door, I realized the dryer door was, in fact, closed, but the door leading to the garage was wide open. And the garage light was on. Strange. To add to the fun, my parents' mini-van is crammed in our garage right now while they're off enjoying a cruise. And the passenger-side sliding door was standing wide open. You know, the side where *someone* had to squeak past the back of the van and navigate around two bicycles in order to get to the door handle.

I checked in the van, and there weren't any apple cores in there, so I'm not sure what the point of the nocturnal excursion was. And honestly, maybe it wasn't me! I mean, I'm married now, so it could have been my husband right? Just because he doesn't have a history of sleepwalking that dates back to 1975 doesn't mean he's automatically innocent.

The good news is the battery wasn't dead on the van and *whomever* was responsible made it safely back to bed without wandering around the neighborhood in his or her underwear.

I hope.

5 comments:

Mary said...

This is scary and funny all at the same time. The thought of you walking around your neighborhood in your underwear made me giggle a tad, I will admit.

Have you ever gone to a doctor for this? Maybe H can tie you down at night (rawr!).

Ro said...

LOL!

My brother had, and maybe still has, the same issue! I remember once when I was about 15 or so, he came to my door in the middle of the night demanding that I "give [him] back [his] damn cow!!!" He said it with an accent and everything!

WEIRD!

Shannon said...

Im with Mary...scary, yet funny, especially if you WERE walking in your undies around the neighborhood.

Dan walks in his sleep sometimes, maybe once a month. Last time, he kept turning on the lights and "looking for something he lost" Yeah, wanted to smack him :)

Audrey said...

That is a crazy story!! It *is* funny, but in a weird "I don't think I should be laughing" kind of way.

You definitely need to be bound in bed, lol. Although the eating apples thing might be ok for your health.

Anonymous said...

Damn, no list this time. Still, I'll try to soldier onward, although my laptop didn't come with an e-seatbelt. That was probably an upgrade.

Let's see, sleep walking... talking in your sleep... Wait! that conversation "about toy soldiers and angry parrots" was supposed to define our relationship! (Hey guys out there, I spelled the R-word without help!)

We've talked about the van... and I swear, I didn't "wander... around the neighborhood in... her underwear." That night.

Love you!