Day 4

By my count, I've already not smoked 77 cigarettes that I would have smoked had I not quit on Monday. That number should be 78, but I cheated and smoked one of my husband's Tuesday night. Not his fault, I just made the mistake of thinking I could go ahead and enjoy a glass of wine (or two) while cooking dinner without breaking down and wanting a cigarette. Apparently I was wrong.

So, one Marlboro Red later (ick, I know why they call them cowboy killers), I realized that not only am I quitting smoking, I'm quitting drinking -- at least in the short term. Not bad timing, considering I'm stepping things up in the doctor/testing department in regards to getting myself knocked up, so it's really a win/win situation.

I had always told myself that if I hadn't managed to do it before then, the day I found out I was pregnant would be the day I quit smoking for good. Obviously, it's better to do so beforehand, but there's a reason they call it an addiction. Anyway, I'm going to make it this time. It's not the first time I've tried to quit, but it's the first time I'm going without a crutch. This time it's not the patch, or a pill, or laser therapy that's keeping me from smoking. It's my willpower.

And if I know one thing from experience, it's that I'm one stubborn bitch when I want to be. Take that, R.J. Reynolds. I'm done with you.